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Amusing Quotes II

• Life is tough, get a helmet.
  
  
• If life was a box of chocolates, it'd be pretty empty.
  
  
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
  
  
• I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
  
  
• Plan ahead: It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark!
  
  
• Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
  
  
• Life is a bowl full of cherries, but mine only contains the pits.
  
  
• Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
  
  
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  
  
• I'd rather be rich than stupid.
  
  
• Some people have a way with words, while others... erm... thingy.
  
  
• Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
  
  
• I am having an out of money experience.
  
  
• Save time... see it my way.
  
  
• I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that.
  
  
• Some day my ship will come in, but with my luck, I'll be at the airport.
  
  
• I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through...
  
  
• Don't make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbours ain't.
  
  
• I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
  
  
• Wood's Incomplete Maxims: All's well that ends. A penny saved is a penny.
  
  
• Don't leave things unfinishe.
  
  
• I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you instead?
  
  
• Don't judge a book by its movie.
  
  
• If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
  
  
• Blessed is he who sits on a pin, for he will rise again.
  
  
• Being superstitious brings bad luck.
  
  
• "Don't MAKE me come down there" - God
  
  
• 'God is dead.' - Nietzsche 'Nietzsche is dead' - God
  
  
• If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
  
  
• Help beautify our dumps. Throw away something pretty.
  
  
• When I die, I want to go like my Grandad, peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming and shouting like the passengers in his car.
  
  
• TVs are more interesting then people, if they weren't then we'd have people standing in the corners of our rooms.
  
  
• All people smile in the same language.
  
  
• Trust takes years to build and only seconds to shatter.
  
  
• Imagination is more important then knowledge, for knowledge is limited while imagination embraces the whole world.
  
  
• When you spend your life worrying about how others feel, you lose track of how you feel.
  
  
• Give a man two fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for a life time.

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