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These jokes you might find funny - you might not, but here they are! All jokes from www.jokecenter.com 1)A Canadian lumber camp advertises for a lumberjack. A skinny little guy shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe. The head lumberjack takes one look at the puny little guy and tells him to get lost. "Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the skinny guy. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the head lumberjack. "Take your axe and cut it down." The guy heads for the tree, and in five minutes he's knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," says the guy. The lumberjack can't believe his eyes and says, "Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," says the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert," says the lumberjack. "Sure......!! That's what they call it now!" 2) Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice? A: Because it was a double-crosser. 3) Some race horses were staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!" "Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!" The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog." 4) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. 5) He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now." 6) A man goes to Heaven. He gets to meet God and asks God if he can ask him a few questions. "Sure," God says, "Go right ahead". "OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?" God says, "So you would like them." "OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?" "So you would LOVE them", God replies. The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?" God says, "So they would love you!" 7) 21 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator 1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" 2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. 3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?" 4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. 9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!" 10. Meow occasionally. 11. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 12. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 13. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 14. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 15. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" 16. Say "Ding!" at each floor. 17. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. 18. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 19. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." 20. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 21. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers. Back | Forward Advertised |